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Borough 0, Jersey 1

By Fastnet Rover (Grinetohkesleker)8/8 21:45Sat Aug 8 21:45:47 2026

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Tiki-Taka.
When performed by players on £50,000+ per week, under the direction of Luis Aragones, Vicente Del Bosque or Pep Guardiola, Tiki-Taka football is a beautiful, intoxicating, mesmerising artform.
"Nessun Dorma", as sung by Pavarotti, Caruso or Mario Lanza, is equally captivating. Sung by Arthur Mullard, however, it would be somewhat less soothing to the ear.
Attempts by Isthmian League footballers to trace "Tiki-Taka" patterns, on Step #4 pitches, are generally reminiscent of Arthur's warbling... or of the British middle classes trying to run the UK without direction from their Franco-Germanic aristocracy.
The fragrant Emily Thornberry, attempting a triple toe-salchow on an ice-rink, would be more likely to achieve her aim.

Nevertheless, the players of Harrow Borough and Jersey Bulls faffed and fannied around, in an amusing attempt to "Tiki-Taka" their way to victory at a sun-drenched Earlsmead this afternoon.
Why do they do it?
Allah alone knows... But the managers must have some idea.
Borough's ineptitude at "Tiki-Taka-ing" proved decisive, but both teams were less convincing at Tiki-Taka than Jason Arday would be if he added a masters degree in the discipline to his CV.

In Iberian temperatures, on a Plaza del Toro pitch - which, one would have thought, may have suited the Bulls - the teams opened by pawing each other with tentative sorties. Millions of schmoes will likely pay £40 each to watch Tyson Fury & Anthony Joshua do something similar in Riyadh before Christmas, but that would be almost as bad value as this was for £12.

The first Jersey corner caused slight uncertainty in the Borough defence but was dealt with. Luke Brophy then cut-out a dangerous cut-back to concede corner number #2, but he may well have saved a goal. This Bulls' flag-kick also came to nothing.

Jersey were giving Charlie Malin & Harry Nevins plenty of space in their own third to play out from the back but, though the 10 or 15 yard passes were tidy, hitting anything remotely penetrative looked well beyond the capabilities of the Borough back four. The curved attempts at 30-yarders with the outside of the boot were, at best, hopeful; the lofted chips of similar distance even more so. A 50-yard hoof to Seye Okunlola might have been more effective, but was never tried.

Borough, kicking down the slope towards the carpark, forced consecutive corners after 16 minutes. The minces are deteriorating somewhat, even with specs, so, from the clubhouse end, I have to assume these were taken by Lewis Cole, as they were left-footed inswingers from the bottom corner. Both had respectable shape, without any venomous pace or zip, but both were low and failed to clear the first white-shirted defender outside the near post. The second ball from the latter corner saw Lucas Miller clear the carpark with a right-footer from the left edge of the D.

Jersey's Juninho lookalike on the right wing, Miguel Carvalho, got past Brophy in the area, more by luck than judgement, after the ball got stuck under both players' feet. Carvalho rolled the ball back to the unmarked Jack Lumsden, 15 yards out, just to the right of goal. Lumsden had time for a touch. He controlled the ball well, but went purely for power on his shot. It was straight at Trent Carter-Rogers, who remained rigid and parried it over the bar.
The resulting corner saw Borough look worryingly porous, as the ball bounced around the six-yard box, with several white shirts unmarked, but they survived.

On the half-hour, Borough almost profited from some Jersey "Tiki-Taka-ing", when the Bulls played the ball back to keeper Pierce Roche on the extreme left edge of his area. Jayde Crotty dispossessed him, but the angle was tight and Crotty decided to drive the ball low across the area, rather than shoot. Unfortunately, a white shirt lunged to cut out the cross before it reached a red one.

Brophy then broke-up some more inept "Tiki-Taka-ing" at the other end, on a rare occasion when Jersey had overcommitted. A fast Borough break down the left saw Adam Kolli feed Miller, but the wide man again blazed over from the inside-left channel.

The Bulls bagged the lead five minutes before the break. More defensive "Tiki-Taka-ing" saw Carter-Rogers pass the ball straight to Jersey striker James Sunley, no more than 30 yards out and level with TC-R's left post. With strike partner Lorne Bickley to his left and Malin the only home player closer to goal than the two white shirts, a simple rolled pass was all it took to put Bickley in on the exposed goalie. He made no mistake with a low finish.
One-nil.
TC-R's eyes, face and posture for the five remaining minutes of the first half suggested he was haunted by the error. Fortunately, the visitors didn't test him before the interval.

As the first half wore on, the gap between Okunlola and the closest red shirt seemed to grow, as Jersey were edging possession and territory. It appeared even bigger on the resumption.
Okunlola was hooked on 52 minutes, with Sakeel Balfour-Brown replacing him. The sub went to the right-wing berth, with Miller switching to the left and Crotty moving up to be the lone striker.
Although Balfour-Brown immediately began to unsettle Jersey left-back Jay Giles and Crotty looked more lively up front than Okunlola, the Bulls still retained a measure of control.

The closest Harrow came to equalising was from an exchange between these two. Borough snaffled the ball in their inside-left channel, Crotty raced into the box with the ball at his feet and passed to the unmarked SB-B, outside the far post. The angle was tight and my impression was that SB-B was trying to cut the ball back, rather than shoot. Either way, his strike was too close to keeper Roche, who pouched the ball. I thought I saw the offside flag raised briefly, but I'm not certain. If it was a shot on target, it was Borough's only one in the ninety minutes.

On the hour, Harrow were a mite lucky to survive a Jersey free kick, 35 yards out on the Bulls' right. Unlike the 1960s/70s J. Giles, Jersey's version showed no evidence of being the best passer of a ball in the country. (Nor did he attempt to break any opponent's leg or jaw while the ref & linesmen weren't looking) He does, however, deliver a respectable set-piece. Borough tried to hold the line on the edge of the box, but failed miserably. Bickley slipped his markers and produced an impressive downward header that Carter-Rogers almost unwittingly blocked with his chest.

Borough brought on Massimo Giamattei for Kolli. In the week of Franco Baresi's death, the Italian dropped into a deep "quarterback" role, sometimes between or even behind the two central defenders, and tried to pick passes. He also looked OK further forward and bringing the ball out. I've seen worse efforts to play QB at higher levels.

Borough continued to look rocky. An overlapping Giles had a low left-footer saved by TC-R. Gareth Chendlik replaced Crotty in the #9 role for Borough, but the Bulls kept coming - at least for another few minutes. Shortly after coming on, sub Casey Nixon beat both TC-R and his left upright with a dink from a narrow angle, just outside the goalie's right stick.

Disappointingly, the Jersey dugout then sounded the retreat. There were still 15 minutes to play, but they decided to sit on their lead.

Miller optimistically had a poke from a free kick, 30 yards out, level with the left edge of the box. Predictably, he rattled a clubhouse window after clearing the crossbar by ten feet. The natives moaned & groaned. They moaned slightly louder when Will Bailey went down in the area and the ref waved away claims for a penalty.
All ten of the stalwarts behind the clubhouse goal were up in arms when Balfour-Brown hit the deck under a challenge, having had an air-shot just outside Roche's left post. Again, nothing given.
I didn't see much untoward in either tumble.
Malin was then booked, seemingly after some verbals. The ref immediately called several players from both sides together near the centre circle to administer a rollicking, which was strange, as there was scarcely a bad challenge in the game.

Jersey should have wrapped things up with ten minutes to go, when Carter-Rogers produced a spectacular save, low to his left, to turn a Bickley pile-driver past the post. In truth, Bickley, unmarked and 15 yards out, shouldn't have given the keeper a sight of it. They left four men back at the resulting corner. Borough kept three up.

Jersey dropped dangerously deep, depressingly early. The had all eleven back at a Borough throw with eight minutes left! They began to commit silly fouls. I kept counting the white-shirted players. There were always ten; almost always all behind the ball. When any Harrow attack broke down, Jersey simply hoofed the ball upfield, even though there was no Bulls player up there. I checked the substitutes on the teamsheet for the names of Claude Rains, David McCallum, Kevin Bacon or Oliver Jackson-Cohen. None had been named on the bench.

Lenny Farhall took over as number #9, but Borough made no impression. Chendlik was pinged for fouling keeper Roche in the air at a free kick. TC-R even went up for a corner, in the 4th minute of the five added, but Borough didn't seriously threaten an equaliser.

I doubt either of these sides will be in trouble next Easter, but that's a lot more likely than either contending for the title. I tried to imagine what last season's Leatherhead side would have done to them, never mind a Noughties Sahf Essex outfit. Either of these would resemble a Just Stop Oil demo facing a Dothraki cavalry charge against a prime Ricay, Chelmo, Canvey, Hornchurch or even Heybridge.

If I was an Isthmian manager, facing this ineffectual, effete, tippy-tappy tripe every week, my first priority would be to sign a "Duracell bunny" number #10.
Signed as an unknown from halfway down the Norwegian 2nd Division last summer, Claudio Braga won both the Players and Writers awards in Scotland last season. He won them largely for being a gym bunny, who dispossesses defenders on between £2,000 and £30,000 per week, but who are incapable of playing the Tiki-Taka football coaches in Scotland demand. (Motherwell's defenders excepted)
It cannot be difficult to find a Bronzed Adonis who can disrupt players on £200 per week.
Just sayin'.

Anyway. On to the seaside, where Herne Bay were arch Tiki-Takaists when I last saw them, though that may have been three years ago.
A bit more penetration is required.

Harrow Borough 0
Jersey Bulls 1 (Bickley 41')

Line-ups:
Harrow (4-4-1-1)
Trent Carter-Rogers; Will Bailey, Charlie Malin, Harry Nevins, Luke Brophy; Jayde Crotty, Prince Mbengui, Lewis Cole, Lucas Miller; Adam Kolli; Seye Okunlola.
Subs - Sakeel Balfour-Brown (for Okunlola 52'), Massimo Giamattei (for Kolli 61'), Gareth Chendlik (for Crotty 69'), Lenny Farhall (for Mbengui 78'), Troy Walters (for Miller 82').
Jersey (4-4-2)
Pierce Roche; Jonny Le Quesne, James Queree, Harry Curtis, Jay Giles; Miguel Carvalho, Jack Lumsden, Jarma Mohamed, Sammy Kamau; James Sunley, Lorne Bickley.
Subs - Luke Watson (for Kamau 65'), Casey Nixon (for Carvalho 67'), Jamie Watling (for Bickley 85'), Joe Kilshaw (for Lumsden 90'), Harry MacKenzie (for Sunley 92').

Stats:
Shots on target: Harrow 1, Jersey 5.
Shots off target: Harrow 3, Jersey 5.
Shots blocked: Harrow 1, Jersey 1.
Free kicks: Harrow 13, Jersey 14.
Caught offside: Harrow 3, Jersey 1.
Corners: Harrow 5, Jersey 6.
Yellow cards: Harrow 1, Jersey 1.

Edited by Grinetohkesleker at 21:54:34 on 8th August 2026
Edited by Grinetohkesleker at 22:30:38 on 8th August 2026