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I had the idea that I might try to lighten the discussion, but I'm not sure this topic will do that.
A friend, who has little interest in sport asked me why anyone would want to be a football fan.
It's a good question, when we realise that 90% of all fans endure a pretty miserable life.
When you come to think about it, it seems that football is one of the few activities where you pay money to get mad.
The average fan has to endure disappointment, dejection, frustration, misery and downright anger, most of the time.
Well, what I told him was what I know to be true, that we trade all this failure for a few ecstatic moments of pure joy. Those great times of success. You can all think of such great moments.
Then, he asked me the big one, why, if you want to be a football fan would you choose to be a fan of Nuneaton Borough?
The answer to that is that you don't choose. We are stuck with it and can't escape.
We go to the games as children, find that the Boro' win and are doomed.
Pretty soon, we discover that the Boro' do not win ever match, but by then it's too late.
So, we go on. All having our opinions about what should happen.
Some mild mannered people on going through a turnstile turn into raving dictators. It's as if they're taking out all their frustrations at the match. But it only makes them worse.
The rest of us might be a bit more mild, but paying our money gives us the right to have our say. We insist on telling the players what they should do. Strangely enough, the players seem to ignore our good advice most of the time.
Example,
Two old Boro' fans, life-long friends, next to each other:
First fan: Hold it!
Second fan: Get rid of it!
First fan: Hold it!!
Second fan: Get rid of it!! That's the way!
Well, 'get rid of it!' is not the way. It might be if you're trapped in your own penalty area and have to clear your lines, but, otherwise, no.
The ball is not a bomb which will explode at a player's foot if he doesn't belt it forward down the back of the neck of one of his unfortunate team mates, or more likely, onto the head of one of the opposition.
'Hold it' seems a better idea. But only if the player's skill level prevents the ball from bouncing four feet off his boot every time it comes near him.
Managers talk about playing to our strengths. What they really mean is playing within our weaknesses.
I expect that by the time a Nuneaton FC team runs out we will have to come to terms with strengths and weaknesses.
Will we be sympathetic and understanding? Will we bite our tongues when we want to shout something negative?
I hope so.
Or will we soon lose patience and demand something better? I wouldn't be surprised. Will we shout something silly?
I wonder how many remember the Al Read show on radio.
His football sketches went some thing like this:
Loud Mouthed Fan: He's useless, I tell you he's useless. He hasn't got a clue. I tell you he hasn't got a clue. He'll never be any good!
Timid fan: Yes, but perhaps if he got....
Loud Mouthed Fan: You'll be lucky, I'll say, you'll be lucky! He was no good at his last team They never should have signed him. The manager should be sacked. I say he should be sacked - and the board.
Timid fan: Yes, but maybe if he got...
Loud Mouthed Fan: You'll be lucky. I say, you'll be lucky. He's hopeless. Look at him. I say, look at him. He doesn't know what to do with the ball. I wouldn't pay him in washers................What did I tell you? ...He's scored!
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